Thursday, May 6, 2010
So as many of you already know, this has definitely been a very difficult few weeks for us! Since we moved here in August, we have been planning my (Suz) parents’ trip out here for this April. Especially since coming home from Christmas, there has been much planning and anticipation towards their arrival. We were so excited to have the opportunity to share our lives here in Dublin with those we love. The bizarre ash cloud from Iceland’s volcano caused my family’s flights to be cancelled the first go around. I was devastated. Then a few days later, my hopes rose again when my family’s flights were rescheduled for the following week! Yeah! The whole week I was telling myself, “Suzanne, don’t get too excited. It is possible that their flights could get cancelled again. Prepare yourself for it not to happen.” So I tried, a measly attempt I must say. The morning of their flights, I finally allowed myself to get excited. Right before heading out the door to go to my last tutoring, I quickly checked my email to find that my mom had seriously injured her back! I didn’t know how to react! I was an absolute wreck. I was so upset hearing that my mom was in extreme pain and that both of us were unbelievably disappointed that their trip was cancelled again! To both myself and Ross, it was immediately evident that my reaction to this disappointment was coming from somewhere deep. I didn’t know why it was affecting me so badly, but it did! I felt so incredibly helpless, frustrated, disappointed, and lonely. For a few days tears were my constant companion. My poor, sweet hubby was a champ during this time. I am so blessed to have a man who knows when to give an encouraging word and when to be silent and simply embrace me! A few days after finding out this news and experiencing a whole lot of emotional pain, the Lord graciously gave my sweet hubby insight into my life to help me process my emotions.
By living here in Ireland, many great things that I have held near and dear to my heart over the years have been stripped from me, my ability to teach and the ability to see my fam. Although these are amazing things in themselves, I have gradually placed my trust and emotional stability in them. Over the years I have become very good at trusting in my ability to manage my circumstances and emotions, rather than rely upon the Lord. It has only been during the times of helplessness, when I am completely unable to control my circumstances, that my unhealthy attachment to these things burns bright. Although it has been a really painful process to see my heart, the Lord has been so gentle and loving through it all. He keeps reminding me that He is my Good Shepherd that I can rely upon Him to take care of my needs. He will faithfully to lead me to green pastures and still waters. I often see myself as a lamb who can manage it on my own, but thank the Lord, He is teaching me to rest in His arms and allow Him to lead me. He has led me to a place of helplessness that I might learn to trust in Him. Both Ross and I are yearning to be in a place where the Lord is our ultimate treasure and we are tethered solely to Him, so that when the unexpected life circumstances come, we are built on The Rock who is stable, and not on our life callings or people in our lives (even each other) who were ultimately never meant to fill that place. Although, I am still really disappointed my family wasn’t able to come out, the Lord has graciously used the emotional pain I have experienced as a way to reflect those unhealthy attachments in my life. Thank you Jesus that crummy circumstances can be used to draw us closer to You!
If you think about it, please join us in praying that the Lord would use our time here in Ireland to continue to deepen our dependence on Him, as well as for my mom’s healing. She is still having extreme pain in her back.